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Free Shipping!

Free shipping is probably a better idea than rockets, though rockets would be fun.
Free shipping is probably a better idea than rockets, though rockets would be fun.

Come on Fred, this is a great idea!

No it isn’t Dizzy.

But it will increase our delivery efficiency by like, at least a thousand percent!

You’re making that number up.

No, it’s backed by statistical probability analysis.

Riiight. So let me get this straight. You want to strap yourself to a rocket, open a parachute, and throw baked potatoes at people’s houses?

No! That’s not it at all! Those are skeins of yarn, not baked potatoes.

But the part about strapping yourself to a rocket and the parachute…

It will be perfectly safe, I’ll be wearing a helmet. And I have a built in layer of fuzzy protection.

Besides definitely violating airspace regulations, what happens to the rocket after you open the parachute?

Well it would umm, yeah I suppose maybe it would have to go somewhere. Wait, couldn’t it crash into the ocean like the space ship rocket thingies?

Clearly. Crash the rocket into ocean, makes perfect sense. And did you think about how would you get back after we launch you across the country?

Umm… oh! The bus!

Sigh… explain to me again how investing in a bunch of expensive one time use rockets and waiting for you to be bussed around the country is going to save time and money on shipping costs? Dizzy, just leave the inventions to a qualified gargoyle inventor like myself.

Well when you put it that way. Do you have a better idea?

Let’s just do free shipping.

Free shipping?

Yes. Free shipping on all US orders.

Hmm, I like it! Do I still get to play with a rocket?

No!